asmaria: (Default)
Wow. LJ freaked out on my laptop. It's all in Japanese! o.o;;

*ahems*

This is [livejournal.com profile] togabitoion ([livejournal.com profile] asmaria's roommate, if you didn't know) reporting to state that the move has been successful, but we are still without internet and I need to fight the network still. We shall be getting it soon. :D Promise! I won't be holding her hostage too much lo... wait. I said that out loud, didn't I?
asmaria: (Default)
Ok... so I'm sitting here passing the time until we leave to clean the old apartment by watching an anime I've never seen before. Ayashi no Ceres. It is one messed up series. c_c Not really my sort of thing. But curiousity is making me want to know what the hell is going on in it! @_@ What the @)*#@$)@ is up with this series?! o_O

Yeah... back to sewing. x_x Too strange for me.
asmaria: (Confused)
You know... its amazing how much the topic of a journal can change in less than 30 minutes, just by talking to someone. I was all ready to come write how much everything sucks, and how worried, jealous, etc, etc, I was... But, it really helps when you have someone to put everything into perspective for you. I'm still using this post to explain all that I meant to say before hand... but the thoughts behind it are a bit more sorted than they were before... Though its still all jumbled...

I've been really troubled lately. Not nearly as much as my friends, but I'm allowed my own fair share, right? The core of the problem is probably just that I worry too much. I worry about the move, about my friends problems, and about my friend's worries. Its just the way I am. It's not something that's easy to change. I'm going to try... But it'll take time.

I worry about fixing my friends problems, I worry about getting things done, I worry about fitting in... I worry about not being alone. It's not a good combination, especially when the problems I'm trying to fix, or worry about are only made worse by the other worries I mentioned.

In the past couple of days, I probably came across as incredibly insensitive. Heck, mostly I -was- being insensitive. But... it wasn't ever anything on purpose... I want to make things better... but I want to find my own happiness as well. I can't seem to find some way in the middle to make it work.

I've also been having a hard time adjusting to the new apartment... It's great... but... I've yet to be able to call it 'home' just yet... Maybe if I just force myself to make it feel that way...

But... I'm gonna try really really hard to just... get out of everyone's way. If I can do that for long enough, then maybe things will be better afterwards. I dunno how I'll accomplish that just yet... Being over here in this huge empty room is a bit intimidating. I need my stuffed animals. Maybe if I could find all of them, and make a huge pile in the corner... turn it into a bed of sorts. That's kinda like it used to be at home, right? So my stuffed animals can keep me company... I want a moogle... Madain Sari... I want to turn my room into that.

I'm rambling now... But I want to end this entire post with at least one thing clear... I feel really bad for how I've acted lately... though I still have the stress of my own... I'm going to try a lot harder to not try so hard. So I can make the quiet difference that I should have tried to make from the beginning. I don't have to do everything... and I can't have everything either. If I can just convince myself of that, everything would be just fine.

Twitch...

Oct. 19th, 2002 08:46 am
asmaria: (Angry)
Argh! >_< I hate being bored.

Ok... I'm gonna rant, if only to get it off of my mind. I hold no ill intent towards anyone, I'm just grouchy and... stuff. An hour later it probably won't matter to me. I probably don't have the right to gripe about this anyways.

Last night we stayed at our new apartment. I wanted to bring something that I could do while we were over here, so I wouldn't get bored once we spent the night. Well, [livejournal.com profile] togabitoion said that he was bringning the entertainment center, and his computer and PS2. So I was like... 'ok... I guess it'll be alright.' Well, it was, cause we had plenty to do last night. Then I started to fall asleep before her and our guest who had come to see the place. So I asked when they were going to go to bed, cause I didn't really want to wake up before them and be bored out of my mind. They had no clue, and I was really tired, having only gotten 3 hours of sleep the day before, and having a crappy work day. (wrote about it from work, can't post here). I said I just didn't want to be bored when I woke up and they were dead asleep. I'd have absolutely nothing to do. We didn't bring over any movies, and actually, waiting here -knowing- the package from [livejournal.com profile] shadrad is waiting for me in the office at the old apartment is enough to make me start twitching the moment I wake up. So Ion said that he'd be dead asleep, it was ok for me to come in his room and use his computer. But what happens when I wake up this morning? The door is locked, and I can't use the computer. I dunno when he or Damon went to sleep. Both probably fell asleep in there last night at the crack of dawn, and I was lucky that Damon woke up to me knocking on the door. I know Ion would sleep through the end of the world. T_T I feel bad for pounding on it trying to get someone to hear me when it was probably locked so they -could- sleep, but I really get the feeling that at this rate, we aren't going to accomplish anything today, but sleep. We're not gonna get out in time to move anything, and the rain will probably start up again. I was pacing the apartment this morning in anger before I finally got in here to post to my journal. WHY!? o_O I didn't think it'd make me angry. There's no point. I guess I'm just frustrated or something, and have no one to yell at for it. x_x I want to do something, and I had plenty of sleep, so I'm reaaaaaaaaly energetic right now. >_< ARGH!

Ok... I'll just repeat myself at this point... maybe some of the .hack//SIGN cast will be online... I could blow off some steam roleplaying? Maybe... ._.

I know I'm impatient and never was able to sit still, but this so isn't like me. @_@
asmaria: (Default)
I feel much better this morning. Still a little tired, but the sleep did me good. I went over to my friend's apartment across the street just before going to bed, because it was his birthday, and I should have been their earlier. I feel kinda bad for showing up so late, but from what I heard, the party went a couple of hours later than after I left. I was only there for about 20 or 30 minutes.

After that, I came home and curled up with a blanket to watch [livejournal.com profile] togabitoion finish playing Kingdom Hearts. She paused it so I could see the ending! Arigatou! It was so sad! ;_; I can't believe this was a game that I refused to even be in the same room with. I think I need to start my own game of it soon.

After waking up this morning, I feel a lot better. Thanks guys for pausing the roleplay. And I think my brain is back to working now too. No more crappy half-awake poses today! :D

We got some moving done yesterday, but I'm still worried what we're going to do. Kirs says that there's no way we'll fit everything into storage, and we're just gonna have to wait until we start moving -into- the apartment and take things as we can. I guess she's right. I just worry. x_x I know we moved into this aparment in 6 days... or so she says. I can't remember. But it was a mad stressful rush. I don't want to go through that again. I suppose things will work out... I just need to plan carefully. I wonder if someday this week dad can help us move furniture. x_x
asmaria: (Default)
z_z Tired... Should probably go to bed soon, but I'm currently caught up in a roleplay. It's been a while since I logged in. I'm actually enjoying it again. :) I missed that. But breaks are good, and I definitely needed that one.

Wah! The apartment is as good as ours now! *_* Space, clean empty space!!! And though I'm not sure what to make of it, my own room! @_@ How to decorate? I have a few weeks to decide... Probably plaster the walls with posters... n_n;

Oooh, those responsible for the prank played on me today, you can be sure I shall return the favor. >_< Though I still have to admit, you did surprise me. x_X *grumblegrumble*

Bleh. For some reason I haven't felt like writing much. I haven't felt like doing much of anything in the evenings besides reading, or sleeping. z_z I'm such a lazy bum.

I wanna sleep... but I wanna stay awake... Argh! x_X

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